wouldn't you like to know? (perhaps i would)
by swishandflickwit
Summary: And he wants to say that he does know her, because when he looks at her it is like he is looking at a reflection; except Emma is clear and sharp whereas he is nothing but a distorted image in a cracked mirror. 3x02 Killian introspection.


"Excellent show of patience, love." He can't help the proud smile that snakes its way to his face as he breaks out the rum from his pocket. "And that's what defeats a nasty, little boy."

Her lips quirk up in a crooked smile and she lets out a laugh that sounds both relieved and pained as she eyes the map in her hands. "I hope so."

The smile turns sarcastic when she sees him holding the flask out to her. She puts up a hand in exasperation as she motions towards it. "Is rum your solution to everything?"

"It certainly doesn't hurt," and as if to make a point, he takes a swig from the flagon and lets out a pleased moan.

This time when he holds it out to her, she takes it as well as a moderate sip of rum.

"So just how did you unlock the map?"

He is eyeing the item in question in her hand, but from his peripheral he sees her lick her lips and his gaze is drawn to the movement, the slow running of her tongue along her upper lip hypnotizing him.

"I did what Pan asked."

Then she is speaking and he draws himself to his full height and meets her gaze head on when he asks, "Just who are you, Swan?"

He knows she won't answer him but he asks anyway.

Well, he thinks contrarily, she will answer but it will be in an evasive manner. He knows as sure as he knows the color of his eyes and the back of his hand that she will brush him off. He is aware, perhaps more than anyone in their little makeshift crew, the power of Neverland. There is no future in a place that stands still and so it preys on your fears, your weaknesses and the things you'd rather was left in the past and he can see how that power causes Emma to put her guard on and her walls up, higher than ever.

He knows because once upon a time, a time when he spent 300 years in this God-forsaken place stewing in his revenge, a time when he let a little boy with Milah's eyes and Milah's spirit, that same little boy who held his second chance, slip through his fingers – he was very much the same.

But he has to try, you see. He is so very desperate for her to open up, to let even a sliver of herself show through her walls because this is not what he wants for her. Emma offered him a second chance, a _purpose_, one that is actually worth living for and so he endeavors to do the same for this bright and beautiful girl who reminds him too much of himself.

And true enough, as she hands him back his flask, she replies with a "Wouldn't you like to know?" that he senses is meant to be in jest but ends up coming out in a more solemn and vulnerable tone, like she is genuinely curious to find out if he really wants to know.

And he wants to say that he does know her, because when he looks at her it is like he is looking at a reflection; except Emma is clear and sharp whereas he is nothing but a distorted image in a cracked mirror.

But it doesn't stop them from _seeing each other_ – from feeling that simmering chemistry between them.

He knows she feels it too cause of the way she shuts down when he gets much, _much_ too close, like he is now.

It is in that instance that he feels the moment of vulnerability between them start to dissipate, when she realizes their proximity and the intensity of his gaze. Her eyes widen and instantaneously, the walls that she allowed to crumble for a split second start building itself again.

Already, he is bereft of her presence before she has the mind to leave.

But in that moment their eyes meet, he can see the cracks in her walls, discernable only to him and that more than anything, gives him hope.

He wants to tell her she doesn't have to hide from him, wishes more than anything that she wouldn't feel the need to hide _at all_, he feels the words bubbling in his mouth.

She must sense it too cause then she takes a miniscule step back.

So instead he says, "Perhaps I would," and watches her walk away from him time and time again, praying to a God he doesn't believe in for the day she doesn't have to.

* * *

**Author's Note: As the title suggests, things _I_ think Killian wished he could've said to Emma. This will be in no particular order and updates will be sporadic, depending on my muse. :p If you guys have any suggestions or scenes you would like me to do in Killian's point of view, let me know. I'm open. :) **


End file.
